Quick to Judge: The 30-Second Rule

Do me a favor and think about the last time that someone made a bad impression on you when you first met them. Do you still have a bad impression on them? If not, how long did it take for them to convince you otherwise? Studies have told us that we have less than 30 seconds to make a great first impression – anyone who’s been around the block a few times will tell you that first impression do, and always will, count.

So, the million-dollar question for today, how do we make the best possible first impression in the first 30 seconds? One possible answer, we get them to talk about their favorite subject: themselves.

In doing a bit of research, I’ve concluded that the idea of this so-called “30-second rule” is based in an emphasis on the importance of focusing on others to make a positive impression when meeting new people. The core principle is to actively seek ways to make the other person feel valued, appreciated, and good about themselves before discussing your own achievements or interests. Said differently, be un-selfish.

This concept is often associated with Dale Carnegie’s principles in his classic self-help book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Carnegie emphasizes the importance of showing genuine interest in others, listening actively, and making them the center of attention. By doing so, you create a positive and favorable impression, fostering a sense of connection and rapport.

Here are some key components of the 30-second rule:

Show genuine interest

Ask open-ended questions about the other person’s experiences, opinions, and interests. Pay attention to their responses and actively listen. A go-to question of mine when meeting someone for the first time is very simply, “what excites you these days” or “what gets you out of bed each morning?”

Compliment sincerely

Find something positive about the person and express genuine compliments. This can create a positive atmosphere and make the other person feel valued. I’ve learned a lot about this from the women in my life, but complimenting people is a delicate art. I try to keep it simple with statements like, “I really appreciate that perspective” or “that’s very admirable and interesting, can you tell me more?”

Seek common ground

Identify shared interests or experiences that can serve as a foundation for conversation. This helps in building a sense of connection. Not always an easy thing to identify in the first few seconds of meeting someone, so the emphasis on active listening comes into play here. Even if it’s a bit of a stretch, a handy transition I use is, “that reminds me of something that happened to me.”

Be present and attentive

Focus on the person you’re interacting with rather than being preoccupied with yourself or distractions. Non-verbal cues like eye contact and body language play a crucial role in conveying attentiveness. For my fellow The Office fans out there, you are not Dwight Schrute, and the other person can handle (and expects) your full attention in the first 30 seconds.

Delay self-promotion

Finally, at all costs, avoid immediately talking about yourself or promoting your achievements. Instead, focus on creating a positive and comfortable environment for the other person. Cutting a person off to quickly to talk about yourself will come off as selfish and insincere 100% of the time – they’ll being to think that your genuine interest at the start wasn’t so genuine after all!

By following this rule and focusing on these key components, you will establish a positive first impression and set the tone for a more meaningful and enjoyable conversation. Likewise, you’ll have aligned with the broader philosophy of effective communication and relationship-building, emphasizing empathy, understanding, and mutual respect. Try it out for yourself the next time you’re at a networking event and happy selling!